No Way Back by M. J. Arlidge

Author:M. J. Arlidge [Arlidge, M. J.]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781405926959
Publisher: Penguin Books Ltd
Published: 2016-06-24T00:00:00+00:00

Chapter Twelve

Three days later, I spot it. In the usual scheme of things, it would have provoked annoyance rather than alarm, but these are not normal circumstances.

It has been another gruelling day of chores. My skills sessions seem to be few and far between now – increasingly my life consists of hour upon hour of drudgery. Carole watches me like a hawk and if she detects the slightest drop in standards, then I am made to repeat the task. Say what you like about this place, it’s always spotless. Which is probably why it is always rated outstanding by the inspectors – something Carole makes great play of.

So I’m diligent. Very diligent. And it’s as I’m scrubbing the Ladies cubicles to a gleaming polish that I see it. A splash of vomit down the side of the toilet bowl. I bend down to check, then recoil from the strong, acidic smell. I scrub it off vigorously, my mind already elsewhere. It could be food poisoning and if not there are enough bulimics in this place to explain it away. But there is another possibility.

Over the next couple of days, I keep an eye out for who’s going in and out. I am an outcast now, despised and ignored, which means that I can watch largely undetected. Nobody seems to be going to any great lengths to avoid me and it’s only when Jaz catches my eye that I know. She pauses at the entrance to the loos, eyeballing me aggressively, challenging me to move on.

‘Well, go on. Fuck off,’ she eventually says.

I oblige, but moments later I return. I follow her inside. And listen to her regurgitate her breakfast. When she comes out ten minutes later, I’m waiting for her. I’ve never seen her look so weak and vulnerable as she does today. My eye is drawn to her waistline – which looks slightly fuller than usual.

‘Can’t you understand English?’ she says, brushing past me on her way to the sink. She makes no attempt to attack me though, which tells me all I need to know.

‘Let me help you, Jaz,’ I find myself saying.

‘Do what?’ she says, incredulous.

‘I know what’s going on and I want to help you.’

‘I ate something bad, that’s all,’ she says quickly, shaking the water from her hands.

‘You mustn’t tell anyone,’ I continue quickly, ignoring her protestations. ‘You just need to find somewhere to go and then get out of here as fast as you can.’

Now she says nothing – the thought is clearly tempting.

‘They will find out. And you don’t want to be here when they do.’

Jaz stares at me. Does she want to confide in someone? Normally it wouldn’t be me of course, but who else has she got? She moves towards me. Is she going to hit me or cry on my shoulder? I genuinely can’t tell which – then suddenly she grabs me by the throat, pulling me so close that we are practically nose-to-nose.

‘This conversation never happened.’

And then she’s gone. I want to go after her but daren’t risk creating a scene.

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